So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
