who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
