im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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