the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found the puke drawer
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
