I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize