so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
