All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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