Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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