every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
