i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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