and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She bit a glass in half.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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