I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
