please come you make the beer taste better
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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