Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
