Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
