You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
