I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
