Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
