My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
