i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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