this boner is exhausting
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
