You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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