So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
