hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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