Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
