Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
