how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
