last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize