The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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