there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
