I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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