I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
