i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
tell me about the eggs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
