At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
