I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
