He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
