You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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