We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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