The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
