and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
