wanna go halves on a baby?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
