What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
