NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dude. I can hear the air.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
