areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
