I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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