just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to make out with him forever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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