If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
