Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Shame is for Republicans.
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