is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
