are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
