I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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