Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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