I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
