I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
