Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
