we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
