found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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