Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
