You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
