u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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