Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's never too late to be topless.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
