Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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