her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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