Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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