You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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