What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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