Who wears a wallet chain?!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
