I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
